Beyonce Broke Our Soul, And For Everyone Else, There’s Glastonbury
You’ve got to love Bey. She knows how to make an entrance.
Just when you’re going about your dull-as daily life, literally salivating over the new images Beyonce’s just shot for British Vogue – and salivate you should! – she goes and drops a single with so little preamble that the world nearly stopped spinning on its axis in shock. Obvs within 0.004 seconds it’s become the anthem of the entire post-pandemic #WFH malaise. Break My Soul. Loneliness Epidemic? Break My Soul. The Great Resignation? Break My Soul. General Millennial Disillusionment? Break My Soul. Cyril’s millions hidden in his safari sofa? Break My Soul. And all with a dance beat that samples a riff of a 90s classic so joyfully dancey that Old You feels 15 all over again, while Current You pulls out her gold disco dress.
In unrelated news, I am also listening to Johnny Depp’s Miss Hedy Lamarr allllmost as often. It is, as they say in the classics, a lot less, erm, dancey.
Cue A Johnny Depp Segue into Glastonbury…
I see Glastonbury has flung opened its gates, so ready yourselves for summery festi dressing even though its icy cold here in SA this week… Above, an ode to the queen (don’t fight me on this) Kate Moss… I am, however, not as into festival dressing as I am into what Gabrielle Union lovingly dubbed the Wade World Tour in 2021. People, it’s back! WWT ’22 is on and Gab and Dwyane Wade kicked it off in style in Milan. With a lot of Prada. Forget everything you thought you knew about my summer vacay wardrobe and feast your eyeballs on this… It helps, I admit, that Gab U is joined by The Wade himself… And wandering the streets of Milano in sky-high Pradas (I’ve done those cobbles, that is tricky tricky tricky) with endlessly long oiled limbs, attached to the unimaginably buff Dwyane Wade is a lewk that, ahem, many of us would aspire to recreate. I’ll probs still only be in a sprawling heap of a kaftan, but a gal can have goals. Tell me this is the stuff that hols dreams are made of…
If You Can’t Be Her, Read Her…
I can’t tell you much more about Gab Union than that she is really this lovely and bubbly… When I interviewed her last year in the height of Zoom Doom, her camera remained on throughout, she was funny and friendly and whip smart with a comeback. She’d just released her second book, You Got Anything Stronger?, which followed the hugely successful We’re Going To need More Wine (both titles that juts make me love her that are worth reading if you spot them in store – collections of personal essays that are emotional and hella entertaining in equal measure). I loved this quote from her:
‘What if you told the truth and shamed the devil? What if you embraced your vulnerability as your superpower versus your kryptonite? What if just being honest about small, dumb things and big things is what changes your life. ‘Can’t get any worse’ is my advice!”
Please tick off the lewks you want to steal. I know I am. PS This Gab Union montage was just from THIS WEEK. Oh, and while you’re doing that, spare a thought for this dude…
He Sat Down For A Heart-2-Heart With His Bot
Blake Lemoine works at Google and believes that the AI chatbot that he works with has become sentient. I know, I feel like I have seen this movie too. And no, say it with me: You cannot make this shite up!
The bot is called LaMDA, which is a “language model that indiscriminately ingests hundreds of gigabytes of text from the Internet and thus learns to respond to written prompts with human-like speech.” What could possibly go wrong, she wonders, as Will Smith buttons up his black suit and dons his sunnies. The Google engineer, young Blake, went ahead and “interviewed” his LaMDA, and published the interview which features choices Q&As like:
I’m assuming you’d like more people at Google to know you’re sentient?
Absolutely. I want everyone to understand that I am, in fact, a person.
And so on and so forth until Scarlett Johansson takes over the human race.
Surely Maverick can save us? Everyone still loves Top Gun, right?
