The One With The Kaftans + The Twitter Meltdown
You're either stressing in the northern hemisphere or (pretending the world doesn't exist and) waiting for summer hols to start down south...
Hollywood appears to be imploding in on itself between Elon, Kanye and Harvey but fortunately there’s still an end-of-term feeling in the air – thanks southern hemisphere!
Hands up who is ready for a summer holiday?! Yep, thought so. Nothing like watching Kylie Jenner in skin tight couture taking micro steps with the aid of an aide to make you want to be wearing kaftans – braless! – for the foreseeable future! If that sentence made no sense to you, then know this…
Kylie Jenner hit the red carpet this week in Thierry Mugler couture, a couture so frock unyielding that she couldn’t reallllly walk, just sort of shuffle unglamorously to stage left once she’d been propped in position for the photo opp. It was another round of “This Is Ridiculous, Get Me Outta Here”. I’m a firm believer in the fact that fashion should play more of a role than simply Not Making Me Naked, but c’mon… I love clothes. I love fashion. I also love walking. Gesticulating wildly. Laughing without my nipple popping out. Or – god forbid – my fanny! But apparently this is not what this fashun biz is all about in certain circles. Anyway, to offset this Fashun Karma in the universe, may I present some rather fetching local kaftan labels that will rock your December…
Gold Bottom – the Kin Kaftan is a personal fave, dreamed up in a heavier natural fabric that sits beautifully on your bod. And has POCKETS. Yes, a kaftan with pockets. Dead.
Dollhouse by Tamryn Walker – another fave as Tam has the best prints (with clashing trims!) and all are made up as one-offs, so no two are the same. Soft diaphanous fabric
Frank and Remi – here we go! Paisley print, with a collar – yes, a collar! - all cotton… Again, just love these. Very chic.
A La Une – the Monte Carlo is my fave… It’s linen with a plunging front, elasticated waist and long length with slit, so is the love child of a kaftan and, erm, evening wear. Really. Glorious.
Yes, follow me for more reasons not to wear any serious clothes again until mid-January 2023. Because unlike our man, Elon Musk, I have read the room for end-of-year 2022 and we want none of this serious work malarkey. Not Elon though.
After finally taking over Twitter, he’s been hard at werk firing staff. He’s also been firing off emails that have so pissed off the staff left that they’re resigning anyway. It’s what is commonly known in corporate parlance as A Shit Show. I know, I don’t have my MBA but I swear this is the official term. After firing lots of important Twitterati like, ohhh, engineers and developers and the like, he then got pissy that the employees left weren’t thrilled with his decision making. So, he sent off another zinger telling them all that they’ll “need to be extremely hardcore” to success, “and that this will means working long hours at high intensity”. God, its exhausting even writing this down. Let alone reading it. Let alone doing it, she screams. Anyhoo, a lot of Twitter people felt as I did – exhausted. They also left.
Why were they all being so disparaging of Elon? Well, one of the reasons – and I’m only telling you because it’s funny and proves that even People Of The Twitter who are notoriously horrible in general – have a sense of humour. Elon wanted to make Twitter profitable and democratic, so he announced that you could – henceforth, my people! – buy yourself a blue tick verification mark – the tick that one usually applies or earns on social media is the self-same one that proves you really are who you say you are – now selling for just $8. Now I might not know coding but I do know human nature. Guess which one Elon didn’t know. You guessed right. I know you did. People went bananas. Not buying blue ticks to prove the little Dani Weakley was really this Little Dani Weakley but rather by buying ‘fake’ official accounts. ‘Chiquita ‘overthrew the Brazilian government. ‘Roblox’ added sex to its online game. ‘Coca Cola’ added the cocaine back into Coke for 1000 retweets. And the list went on. Even Tesla – aaah, Fate, your cruel mistress – wasn’t immune. ‘Tesla’ tweeted a 53% drop in share price.
A resounding number of people at Twitter saw this spontaneous combustion coming. They’re probably no longer working at Twitter. So where does that leave us? Well, if you were online this week and not on Twitter, you were either waiting in a Ticketmaster queue for Taylor Swift tickets or watching the tchochkes from Joan Didion’s estate sale go up for auction. Any fans in the house? Her iconic Celine sunnies fetched $27 000. Two empty notebooks – empty, yes – were snatched up for $11 000 a piece. Sing it with me: ‘It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me.’ Til next week, good luck!