Johnny Depp Won And Now I Have Nothing To Do
Well, not nothing exactly... There was this bus at the Platty Joob...
I have, in no particular order, a rather demanding job; two delightfully demanding teen punks (of the “I’m starving”, “Are you here yet?” variety); the vaguest hint of a post-covid-recovering social life and I like squeezing yoga and coffee runs into the day too. But like a brilliant book that I couldn’t put down - and then it finishes! - I find myself at a complete loose end now that I have free time. Because: Johnny Depp. Downtime of late was best enjoyed over on Insta with @houseinhabit and along with many beloved friends, who were equally glued to the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial unfolding in real time with the same Johnny leanings – y’all know who you are and yes, the offer to start a legal practice still stands! Did your work miss you too?!
Here's what I can now tell you about the post-trial downtime. The truly lovely-to-listen-to lawyerly-slash-fatherly Ben Chew was interviewed yesterday and told everyone that it’s the happiest – nay, most euphoric – Johnny has been in six years. So, yay to Johnny turning 59 and moving on with a slew of instantly recognisable Best Quotes Of The Trial viral memes.
Side note for some TikTok love: Tiktokkers using the Johnny Depp heartbreak quote ‘I loved you for so many years … but you didn’t exist’ super dramatically as often as they used the ‘mega pint, happy hour’ quotes. It’s called balance, people, and Gen Z nailed it.
Anyway, I digress! Ben is telling interviewers that Johnny is very pleased and relieved. Johnny is touring the UK and Being In A Rock Band As Johnny Depp. The addictively scrollable @houseinhabit is also in the UK, equal parts following the Platty Joob celebrations, listening to JD live in concert, posting about Mossy and readying, not just for more Ghislaine Maxwell, but also for a round of Brad versus Angelina. Yep, that Brad and that Angelina. Turns out, Ange has secretly sold her share of their French wine chateau to an oligarch and Brad aint none too pleased. Let’s go and also: Mon Dieu, quelle horreur!
But back to the Platty Joob and the bus to be on… Kate Moss, Charlotte Tilbury, Naomi, Patsy Kensit and Co – a festooned ode to the fun of the 90s. And they were fun! I can say this because I was there, having said fun.
Here’s what you need to remember RN about the 90s aka this hit of nostalgia will cheer your Friday
This utterly iconic moment from the MTV Movie Awards where IRL co-stars and IRL loverrrrs from IRL The Best Romance Film Of The Millennium (As Voted By Most Of The Women On The Planet And Counting), The Notebook recreated their kiss on stage with zero art direction and zero chill – watch here and wait for perfect 90s reactions from Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff. The best.
This hilarious and thoroughly wonderful moment from the red carpet when Heath Ledger properly snogs a fan – who is actually supposed to be working said red carpet… Who then proceeds to faint in a dead swoon – watch here Unscripted magic.
This marvellous Vogue interview with Mossy where she’s asked questions from all her mates so obvs most of it is about the 90s – a complete joy, watch here (yes, still aiming to be her as soon as is remotely possible). Also explains why she is called Wagon by all her supermodel besties, which I see pops up on Insta - and the back story is as funny as you’d expect it to be.
+ Here’s what to read if you have run out of Johnny Depp trial mojo
The No-Show by Beth O’Leary. She wrote The Flat Share which is a romance about two people who share a fat and a bed, but never meet because they work alternating shifts. The No-Show follows a similar premise. Three women, three missed dates and one no-show in the form of Joseph Carter. So what’s his story? You won’t guess and when it finally unravels its so heart-warming and gorgeous, you’ll demolish the last bit of the book!
Blood Sugar by Sascha Rothchild. It is written by a co-exec producer of The Bold Type so colour me interested already! Ruby has been called in on suspicion of murder but, in fairness to Ruby, she hasn’t killed the man she’s been accused of murdering. Although she has killed a couple of other people. Sooo, will the police join those dots now that they have her in their sights. As Stephanie Wrobel says on the cover: “The most relatable murder since Dexter.” Fact.
+ Here’s what to watch if you’re into binge, not books
I know I should be indulging in new-to-SA Disney+ but instead, I signed back into Amazon Prime because Conversations With Friends has finally landed. It’s Sally Rooney’s book of the same name, so except mega Irish angst, a lot of uncomfortable interactions, meaningful silences, lingering looks and simmering romance, all while you – the viewer – want to cringe with the awkwardness of it all! But obvs brilliant! And watchable in a single lengthy sitting if you must! Bring on the cold weekend weather, I say. I understand that some of you might have already watched this - with a zillion pirated pop-ups, but if you were waiting… Leg it already and watch!
Okay done! As you were! Much love!
