It's Winter Down South, So Obvs I'm Dreaming Of Summer Fash

It was also Youth Day, so I tried using words like drippy. Probs best if I stick to retinol and other age-appropriate terms

Those of you who follow me on Insta – and if you’re not, why not, follow me here – might have noticed I have been tracking a holiday vacay wardrobe across the Eurozone, as the southern hemisphere winter set in… It started with the Kardash Klan descending on Italy for Kravis’ nuptials and proceeding to wear a staggering array of ‘never have I ever thought to pack these for my hols’ outfits. I was idly scrolling the Gram when Kim took the kids for gelato in a corset, before moving onto sports luxe booted leggings paired with the thinnest of nipple bandeaus. Kourts was generally see-through or swathed in a colourful fur. Khlo was in leopard print and perspex heels.

Side note on Dolce and Gabbana and the Kardash: Is this the new model for celeb weddings - a full branded, walking ad nuptial? And lest we forget, D&G once referred to the Kardashians as “the most cheap people in the world” in an Insta comment. Totes up to discuss this.

My obsession with summer holiday fash finally triumphed around the time that Annes – sorry Anne – took over Cannes and Sienna Miller hit the French Open. They were all navy and white with great sunnies. Does this say more about my age than it does about the free-the-nip bandeau? I want to be lolling around in a kaftan – these kaftans, thanks Tamryn Walker - with an Aperol in hand. I don’t want to be slathering myself in glowing body make-up and blow-drying my hair. Of course, I live in Cape Town now, so you’ll have to forgive me, Jozi babes – I think about Not Blow-drying My Hair a lot now.

Anyhoo, it was Youth Day in South Africa yesterday so of course, at some point, it also got me thinking about youth and age. I was commissioned to write a piece on The New Lingo aka what the kids are sayin’. And rather than ask my punks outright, I first turned to TikTok. The algorithm is so bloody genius, though, that I just bounced between trending salads and Johnny Depp. Which is great - and usually I’d be supremely grateful - until one wants to pretend one is under 30 and needs a bit of an injection of coolth. So, there I was - alas - having to throw myself at the collective mercy of the punks for definitions of the words I hear them using. Oh, mother, the shame.

Me: “Okaaay, so can you say, you got drip? Is that like you got swag?”

Them: “Better to say: he’s drippy.”

Me: “But being a drip is supposed to be a bad thing, like you’re boring.”

Them: “Do you rather just want to watch Love Island?”

Me: “No, no, I swear I am listening!”

Love Island, if you recall, is the spiritual home of “getting the ick” – a joyous term I wish I’d had in my lexicon decades ago. It means - in the romantic sense - when you go off someone, usually for the stupidest and most meaningless thing… A baby voice, a weird clap, a mispronounced word. Probably best not to use any of the above terms in Actual Sentences if you want to ever be spoken to by your teens again. I then stumbled upon this funny clip of Johnny Depp – see skewed algorithm above – and I realized, we’re in it together. So, here’s Johnny being called bae – much like Kris Jenner was called ‘you’re cute jeans’ - and, to the rest of you, my Youth Day was bussin.

And while I can’t guarantee than any of this will make you feel any less ancient, here’s a local business that I support that was started by a young woman - so young, in fact, that I am constantly in awe, wondering what I was doing with my life when women like this were launching businesses from their bedrooms.

Swiitchbeauty - Rabia literally did start this beauty biz from her teen bedroom. Come for the lip crayons and the brow gel - amazing true colour and long-lasting - but stay for the brilliant - truly! - SPF and superhero spray.

As you were! Happiest of lonnnng weekends if you’re reading this from South Africa! By the time we next chat, we’ll have passed the winter solstice so get ready to start planning that summer in earnest! I knowww, hope springs eternal.