Is It A Facial Or Is It A Facelift?
In the spirit of When Harry Met Sally, ‘I’ll have what she is having’...
All anyone my age is talking about is Kris Jenner’s face. I know it’s been a week or two since she stepped out in Paris looking like a school girl, but have y’all seen her recently? The momager and super-brain of Kardashian Inc has always looked good - and good for her age.
No one, least of all her, denies that she’s, erm, had work done, but jeepers creepers, we’ve come a long way from ‘work done’ to Kris 2.0.
She looks positively wet behind the ears! She looks like the skin I used to have when I was juicy, young, drinking lots of water and eating no NikNaks. She doesn’t look pulled, filled and rigorously man-handled - although all three of these things have surely taken place.
Instead, she looks elfin. And we can get into a whole debate of whether we want to look like a tiny, lasered pixie at the age of 70 – readers, I do not - but that was never the path Kris Jenner was taking. And good for her.
Incidentally, for future ref, I want to age like Emma Thompson - with a great big personality, a loud laugh and unruly hair. As she says: “Don't waste your life’s purpose worrying about your body. This is your vessel, it’s your house, it’s where you live… there's no point in judging it”.
But that was never the path for Kris Jenner and good on her.
I bang on about one of the great things about Getting Older is not giving two forks for anyone else’s opinion. Arguably harder when every media piece written that week, in every corner of the globe, is on the state of your face, but whoop whoop for not reading the comments. She looks bloody sensational and she knows that you know that I know that everyone knows that she’s had the facelift of all facelifts, but cry me a (Joan) Rivers its good.
Joan Rivers, bless her, famously said: “I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.” What Joan also said is: “Looking 50 is great – if you are 60.” Hilarious and absolutely spot on. Okay, Kris looks younger than much of her brood, but hot damn, she does look great for 69.
Kris Jenner has reported had this done: superficial musculoaponeurotic facelift with a deep neck-lift. I am quoting the Instagram plastic surgeons here not her actual surgeon, the NY-based Dr Steven Levine, who is legendary for his natural-looking results. He should be.
PS I had to Google that because try saying “musculoaponeurotic” after a few tequilas! The SMAS is a layer of tissue beneath the skin that includes muscle, fat and connective tissue. It’s the key structural support of the face and is responsible for facial expressions and contours. So, in this procedure, your Dr Steven Levine will lift and reposition this layer, not just the skin; tightening the the underlying structures of the face and remove excess skin. This technique gives deeper support, reduces sagging, and avoids that ‘windblown’ look. Okay, class dismissed!
You know who else had the mother of all natural facelifts and looks forking great? Lindsay Lohan. Remember her? Sweet freckled kid who aced her acting start in the late 90s on millennial lore like The Parent Trap and Mean Girls? Who fell off the radar in the Noughties thanks to a combination of child stardom, wild partying and paparazzi craziness? She’s now living in Dubai, making a comeback and looking be-gorgeous as my punks would say.
Lindsay, however, says her transformation is down to lemon juice and water.
Ohmygod, Millennials, can you eff off already. Who on earth thinks this is down to lemon juice? Like Cleopatra and her milk, I would be bathing in the stuff morning, noon and night, if it transformed my grizzled visage into the poreless, tight, crease-free, plump-lipped, slim-nosed, brow-lifted face of a 14-year-old Russian supermodel who’s never been in the sun. There aren’t enough lemons in the world for all of us if this is down to freaking lemon juice.
And again, I say: good the fork for her. Who cares? Like all salacious gossip, we care because you’re telling us we’re wrong. Now we’re invested in weaselling out the deets. Which might not say much for womankind, but is also factually correct. No one believes this is down to lemon juice, babes.
It’s like the birds on Ozempic who are suddenly hanging around inside their clothes like toddlers dressed up in mum’s glad rags chirruping: “Oh this old thing? It’s huuuge for me now that I have been intermittent fasting / going to Pilates / walking on the Prom / skipping breakfast / lactose intolerant.”
Go on, girl, we don’t mind. If you want the Ozempic, take it. It’s your body, you need to be happy in. For my Parent Trap fans, it’s as the supposed villain and wannabe stepmother, Meredith Blake, tells Annie: “Being young and beautiful isn’t a crime, you know.”
And we can all be as young and beautiful as we like, btw.