In Divas We Trust. Or Do We?

My eyes rolled back so far in my head this week, it must've been dangerous! Here's why - and thanks Megan...

Those who know me know how much I LOVE an eye-roll, not just love but LOVE. The eye-roll accounts for both my most exercised muscle and my most overused emoji… And then I have sent this Angela Merkel skit out to almost everyone I know – here it is for your pleasure. So, you can only begin to imagine the level of eye-rolls going on Chez Weakley this week (clue: grand master level) when Megan Markle released not just her madly narcissistic podcast, but her cover interview with The Cut on an unsuspecting public.

You’d think we’d have been suspecting

After all, she and Harry inked a podcast deal with Spotify three years ago to the tune of an estimated 15 million pounds – that’s around R300 million - but not much ever happened and I guess post-Oprah interview, we all kinda forgot about it. Well, baby, forget no more! It’s a 12-episode series and we’re two down, 10 to go.

First out of the starting blocks is her bestie Serena Williams – in my mind, even bigger royalty than Megs, an absolute queen at the height of her magnificence. Meg, however, manages to reduce Serena over the course of an utterly painful 57 minutes to confessions about the hardship of female ambition and her retirement – although it’s not called that. Obvs. My fok Marilize, aren’t we bored of this yet? Just be ambitious. Or don’t. No one cares. Many millions of women are wildly ambitious and they get places without feeling cursed. Many women are not ambitious, and they also live happily ever after. And the dudes, they just get on with it. Why is it so impossibly hard today to not be a victim? It’s so forking out of fashion. Cue my first set of eye-rolls.

Megan is hot, stylish, successful, smart, mega-rich and super-privileged - yet her currency du jour is victimhood… She couldn’t stay in the family, everyone was mean, everyone was racist, no one understood, everyone put service before self and on it goes. It’s such a whinge-fest. Megs, here’s the hard truth… a) most of us still think you’ve got it pretty good and b) a whole lot of us just think you’re behaving like a spoilt brat and c) you’re also making us all look bad. And we really don’t like that. And then you pulled in Serena. And used words like (please forgive my journalistic nit-picking but these aren’t Actual Words) “archteyped” and “dimensionality”. Cue eye-rolls.

Woops! Here’s actual footage of me listening to the podcast.

And the podcast?

Well, it’s mostly about Megan, isn’t it? Again forgive the journalistic nit-picking but what makes a good interviewer is getting our subjects to talk, not talking over them, not making the interview about you, not barging in with your own soliloquies. There’s a lot of that. And then there’s episode two, Mariah Carey… Mariah, in a hilarious exchange about divadom … Diva used to be a badge of honour, intones Megan solemnly. “It still is when it comes to me,” chirrups Mariah, talking about how she plays up to the image and cheerfully calling out Megan for also being a diva… To which, Megan – who clearly has not a single ounce of self-awareness - is so icily shocked that even Mariah – Queen Diva – finds herself back-pedalling. Hi. Lar. Ious.

“It could also have been called ‘Megan Markle: why I’m definitely not a diva but if I were it would simply be a sign of how incredible I am and if you don’t believe me you’re probably British.” – The Times Of London

And then, over at The Cut cover story

So many parts to this that I love, the two vying for top spots are the fact that the cover is entitled The Duchess… Now forgive me, but I thought that what Megs and Harry most wanted in all the world was to distance themselves from this Whole Royal Malarkey? And don’t say that was The Cut not Megan, because there’s no earthly way that wasn’t signed off word and picture perfect by her and her team. Part two is when Mandla Mandela got in on the action… Glorious! Truly!

So, Megs in her interview says that she was told that her marrying Prince Harry had the people of South Africa dancing in streets rejoicing like they did when Mandela was released. Even I am not sure how many eye-rolls this should cue up, because I sort of half yelped at the absurdity of it… Us bemused Africans just so excited that a black woman had married a white prince – I swear all we cared about was what she was wearing, whether her and Kate had really fought and if Posh and Becks would be at the wedding. Just like everyone else, all over the world.

Anyway, Mandla clearly agreed with my eye-rolls, but more forcefully. He said and I quote: “Madiba’s celebration was based on overcoming 350 years of colonialism with 60 years of a brutal apartheid regime in South Africa so it cannot be equated to as the same…. [when the people expressed their joy at Mandela’s release and danced in the streets, it was for a far more important and serious reason than her marriage] “to a white prince.” Indeed. And also haha to you, Megan!

Question: am I just being a bitch because its not Spring yet?

And it should be! The answer is quite possibly a giant YES! So, on the fashion front, may I give you the most fabulous of transitional items and your new seasonal bestie – the slacket. Y’all know I love a lovechild word (not to be equated with made-up words like dimensionality, which I loathe). This one the lovechild of sleeveless and jacket - and it’s the ultimate outwear for in-between seasons when you don’t want a coat - they can just feck off now – but the weather still isn’t great without one… It’s not a gilet, mind you. It’s not puffy or fleecey or zipped… Its slimline and chichi, a blazer without sleeves. Just find one – and thank me later… I spotted them in Spain at Zara earlier in the Euro summer (ahem) and am now desperately awaiting their arrival on local sores. Let me know if you spot them! I will be ready.

And for Real Divas, there’s this…

Kate Moss just launched her new brand, called CossMoss… It’s all very Goop wellness, which many find completely hilarious since Kate has built her brand on anything but.. There’s a legendary story that was circulated a few years ago when Kate and Gwyneth Paltrow both ended up at the same birthday party for TopShop’s Sir Philip Green’s 60th in Mexico. The morning after, GP was jogging along the beach at crack o’dawn to which Kate heckled from the balcony, “why are you jogging?’ and GP replied: “So I don’t look like you when I am older!”

Anyway, in my eyes, Kate is marvellous and can do no wrong. If you don’t agree with me, watch her Vogue interview on her most iconic looks – she is unfiltered and funny, with a proper cackle that would go down at any dinner party I’ve hosted. Ever. Long may she reign!