I'm Not A Millenial. And I Am Here For It.
If Cannes taught me anything it's that it's waaaaay more fun to be older. And then there's Johnny Depp too!
Is anyone having a much fun as these two? Other than Tom Cruise that is? Because, to be fair, he is having the MOST fun! And why wouldn’t he? Still looking like a zillion dollars (ignore the couch-hopping and Scientology, I know all of this is less than pleasing on the eye) and focus instead on how marvellous he’s looked hobnobbing the Euro Zone with all the babes and royals and jet planes. Hot as hell. And then along come Andie Four Weddings And A Funeral Macdowell and Dame Helen Mirren. While the rest of the starlets looked suitably gorgeous, these two actually look like they’re having a blast. And if that isn’t the best reason to get older, then what is? Not giving a f*ck. Entirely liberating.
At 47, I am using Not Giving A Fuck as a reason for anything that rewards me with a side eye from the punks. Including getting side-eyed by the punks. Being teenagers they are deeply Zen about most things. Bless them, they too will eventually learn that sometimes it’s just Much More Fun to roll your eyes and sigh theatrically than it is to live and let live. Although maybe they will live longer and need less wine. Johnny Depp - case in point - needs a mega pint of wine. I understand this measurement metric, I do. I’m just glad it now has a name.
Over on TikTok, the Over-65 Set is thriving. Really. It is. The Old Gays - look them up! - and their fellow, erm, grandfluencers - as coined by the NYT - are proof that recording viral videos under one roof isn’t reserved for The Yoot. By the time the Old Gays started posting on TikTok, in December 2020, the four men already had half a century of friendship between them. Today, they have 7.1 million followers on TikTok and a few hundred thousand on Instagram. But here’s the best bit - they meet up by the pool each weekday at a terribly civilised 10:30 to rehearse and shoot their videos which their young neighbour then edits and posts.
Sir Anthony Hopkins (hello Clarice) is the 84-year-old grizzled face of Spanish luxury leather brand, Loewe this season. And its a mood.
You know who else is giving me MAJOR good vibes - although in her defence she is neither as old as any of the above, nor has she ever not given me good vibes? Kate Moss. That’s who. It’s one thing for Mossy to suddenly appear at this year’s Met Gala like we all haven’t been wondering for years what she’s been up to. It is quite another to live stream in for your ex-boyfriend’s defamation trial from Gloucestershire with your cut-glass cheekbones and matching vowels. Could The Internet have gone any more mad than it did? Unlikely. She then popped up the following week at Johnny Depp’s concert at The Royal Albert Hall in London. Cue swooning 90s girls everywhere.
Yes, while we waited for a verdict, Johnny was performing live in concert in London with his old pal, Brit guitarist Jeff Beck. And when the verdict came, it allowed us the moment to realise that the jury had indeed seen the same, erm, performance so many millions of people had watched. You’ll all know by now that the jury ruled in Johnny Depp’s favour. What’s surprising (feel free to replace this lacklustre word with something with more teeth) is the fact that mainstream media is still choosing not to read the room, nor the verdict, and plug away at a ‘sad day for victims’ line. It beggars belief that the the circus isn’t over - Amber’s lawyer is now press touring. Read. The. Room.
Truly, is it any wonder we were all obsessed with them? Can I tell you another one of the many random things I know about celebrities thanks to a LOT of years spent writing about them at various magazines? Kate Moss is apparently never without lip balm. Another reason I know we’ll be besties. And as a segue of only the leanest kind, these are my new fave lip balms (because what is a Weakley Report without some beauty news? Nothing, that’s what) … And I say new faves because all of them are new on shelf. Can I pick a fave? Unlikely but here are the heavy hitters…
Lanolab Natural Balm - this is a local lovely that is generous in size and a proper lanolin balm. I think you could use it everywhere from chapped lips to breast-feeding nipples, its so rich and thick.
Nuxe Rose Balm - this is a proper melting balm if you like the melt texture, which I do. Very lush, pink in hue but not on lip and a proper treat. Comes in a pink pot.
LetiBalm Repair is another newb - this is super hydrating but has cocoa butter to keep it more slick, plus there’s added menthol for a bit of a kick which makes it good if you have a cold as its great for noses as well as lips.
Right, that’s it! Lips perfectly kissable for that moment you ever run into Johnny, Ben Chew, Camille or even Judy The Stenographer!