From Royal Tidbits To Rock Stars

The Week That Was started with the high pageantry of a royal funeral and ended with the high pageantry of the Internet's Collective Ire.

Could this newsy be any later? Please read this in Chandler’s voice because I have a heap of reasons that basically revolve around the fact that I wanted it to be all about the interesting tidbits from the Queen’s funeral last Monday, but then a royal book revealed its first excerpts. And Don’t Worry Darling opened at the box office. And Adam Levine confessed to cheating on our Namibian uber-babe Behati. And Kanye broke fashion and the Internet with a Gap Balenciaga Yeezy fall-out. So my brain exploded. And I did nothing instead. Did buy an Ida Elsje ring though – you can find it here too and you’re welcome.

Let’s Start With The HRH Funeral

And we’re giving it the elevator pitch because you’ve surely read everything by now… Princess Charlotte stole the show – she showed her brother the ropes, reminding him to bow, she wept at the end, truly wept, she wore a horseshoe brooch on her coat just like her Grannie did and generally gave everyone watching the reprieve they needed. Reprieve from what?

Well, most likely from watching Harry glowering; Meghan looking icy cold, save for a single tear, in her Stella McCartney cape dress (which was glorious); Kate and Wills looking impeccably Prince and Princess of Walesy and the sweet, hella nervous-looking lads who carried the casket in full regalia. Aaah the full regalia… That was pretty bloody splendid to watch.

Kate paid tribute to the Queen by wearing her four-strand pearl choker and drop earrings – and if you are regular readers of this newsy you’ll know that HRH was the originator of fashion diplomacy. Kate also wore this pearl combo to Prince Philip’s funeral in 2021. Queen Elizabeth was rarely seen without her pearls and most members of the royal family followed this protocol wearing pearls as a respectful homage in the days leading up to the state funeral.

Many of the guests also donned mourning veils – like Beatrice and Eugenie – these were made popular during Queen Victoria’s reign. After her husband, Prince Albert passed away, Queen Vic famously chose to wear a mourning veil until her death 40 years later.

The wreath on HRH’s coffin was an assortment of flowers and plants from the gardens of her various homes and palaces. It included myrtle, which is symbolic of a happy marriage and was cut from a plant that was grown from a sprig that was in her wedding bouquet. That thread contiued – the funeral was held in the same church, Westminster Abby,  in which the Queen was wed and crowned. And that’s a wrap.

Meanwhile Uptown

The first extracts of Valentine Low’s book were released. Its called Courtiers: The Hidden Power Behind The Crown and it deals a lot with the Megxit fall-out and courtiers who were part of their household, the tours and what the royal courtiers themselves now call The Sussex Survivors Club. Obvs will be demolishing this book. Watch this space.

Moving Swiftly Along

Turns out Adam Levine has been sliding into models’ DMs… In what is possible the best comment that The Internet Ever Created, Amanda Christine tweeted: ‘Men will literally say that they don’t mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain then cheat on you during pregnancy and name your baby after the other woman’. Because, yes, you read right, this whole sorry saga unravelled because Adam Levine popped back into Summer’s DMs to say he’d like to name his unborn child after her and did she mind. At which point Summer decided she very much did actually mind. Or that he’s an absolute idiot who deserved nothing more. And told the whole world. And here we are. Cue memes forevaaaah. Because seriously.

And Now Onto Harry Styles

Despite the fact that it has nothing to do with Harry Styles, it seems like it all actually does. The film Don’t Worry Darling – heretoforth referred to as Be Worried Darling – is directed by Olivia Wilde and stars her, Florence Pugh – heretoforth referred to as Miss Flo, Olivia’s moniker for Florence – and Harry Styles. So, Flo apparently had issues with Olivia because Olivia kept sloping off to her trailer to shag Harry. With me so far? And also: who can blame her? But then she wasn’t realllly directing. Which was her job. So Miss Flo got pissy and hasn’t really shared the love in the film’s press tour. And the film has now released too. In a Hollywood PR spin that makes me believe everything that actually happened waaaay more than if they’d just shit up or been disparaging, the crew has come out with a signed statement saying that they loved working with Olivia. Its just so contrived that it feels totally ridiculous. And Miss Flo says nothing. And Harry says nothing. Because, well, they’re British and its all ridiculous and who actually cares anyway. But I think Olivia cares. But Olivia is shacked up with Harry. Seriously. No tears now.

And if this doesn’t warm your heart or exercise your eye-roll, then fear not… It’s only a few days til Friday when there’s an actual newsy landing again!