Can (Wo)Man Exist On Bone Broth Alone?

Yeesh, Gwyneth Paltrow is getting it in the (arguably ageless) neck this week but as always, there's a mega trend brewing.

Why now, you might not bother asking. I’ll tell you anyway. During an interview, she was asked for her wellness routine and she told The People that she forgoes brekkers and then, more often than not, imbibes soup for lunch. And that the soup in question is often bone broth.

First off, allow me to explain than in Normal People parlance this is the same thing as skipping breakfast, but if you’re into wellness – and I should know because, well, Modern Wellness ‘n all – this is called intermittent fasting. Its so hot right now – you eat for an eight-hour window and don’t eat for 16 hours… In theory, this works beautifully if you can get in an early dinner, sleep through a large portion of the 16 hours and then skip breakfast before having (not always broth) lunch. For me, an early dinner is nigh on impossible because I’m still invariably legging it around the peninsular in hot pursuit of two starving, sporty teens. And if I haven’t eaten for 16 hours, generally I would either be in a coma or ready to eat anything you put in front of me. Probs not just bone broth though. Buuut, let’s never forget that I established some years back that I am no Gwyneth Paltrow. My candles remain resolutely cinnamon and vanilla in scent.

Anyhoo, no surprises since its GP, that The Internet – who are clearly very bored this month – went bananas for this restricted eating plan. Like the Gwen Stefani song. Only more so. “She only consumes liquids!” shrieked one headline. “She’s got an eating disorder” yelled another. “She cannot live on broth alone!” Et cetera. Calm down, people. She’s Gwyneth Paltrow. If you recall, her first cookbook offered up an omelette made only with quail’s eggs. Yes, the very small ones. An Omelette Of A Gazillion Quails Eggs. Why is anyone surprised that she still has bizarre ideas about what to eat in a day? She has built an entire wellness brand on the premise that, with more disposable cash than most, you can lead a madly alternative well life. Surely she must follow her own well-meaning advice?

Go on and ask me what else she does? Because The Art Of Wellness podcast did ask her. She follows up her bone broth with an hour of movement. Here’s where she’s so smart. I can also only move my body after feeding it, so I smash some peanut butter toast really early in the morning. And then have a coffee after exercising. As a reward. She also drinks coffee, thank god. And never forget that, once upon a time in the 90s, she smoked ciggies and dated Brad Pitt.

Anyway, she eats lunch and moves her body and just as you’re starting to think this is all ‘so me’, the podcast host points out that she is being interviewed while hooked up to a vitamin drip. Sigh. If you now think: “Dearest dear, this is all sounding like way too much hard work”, you’d be right. I am thinking it too. She does profess to love phosphatidylcholine drips more. Say what now? Keep up! This is a chemical found in eggs, btw. Why not just eat an egg? Well, who knows, peasants, who knows?

This all falls under the very broad term biohacking. And while biohacking can sound space-agey, it has its roots in both ancient and future practises. The Business of Wellness describes it as this: ‘Just as computer hackers tweak computer code to gain unauthorized access to computer systems, biohackers aim to manipulate biology.’ How? Well, everything from cold water immersion and Gwyn’s intermittent fasting and vitamin drips count as bio hacking.

Gwyn is not alone. Meet Bryan Johnson. Heard of him? He is no relation to Boris. But he did make headlines recently in the States for a feature in Bloomberg where they explained that Bryan is spending $2 million a year trying to reverse his biological age of 48. In a parallel universe, Bryan has obviously been for a Discovery Vitality health check and been told he is older than his age. It’s a horrifying moment for any of us, Bryan, trust me I understand.

Bryan now spends two mil and is, according to Bloomberg, five years younger than his biological age. Forgive me for being surly, but if I was spending that, I’d want to be younger than 43. No offence, 43-year-olds. He’s now launched The Blueprint, which you can subscribe to and follow to biohack your youth, like Bryan. The Blueprint website says things like: ‘the enemy is entropy’ and ‘be the next evolution of humankind’. YIKES. Also the font size is so small I can only assume it is already helping to weed out lesser humans. Maybe just stick with Vitality.

Someone from Vice decided to try it. The day starts with a Green Giant – that’s not a fun smoothie, its water, chlorella powder and collagen peptides.

‘The drink is fucking minging. I don’t normally mind algae-green looking things, but this is absolutely horrendous: It’s thick and when you get a lump the texture makes you want to vomit. Sure, a proper blender might help but even the lumpless moments were bad. I also used the drink to wash down the supplements - I can confirm they go down like a mistake.’

And on that hilarious note, I leave you. Because my flat white is waiting for me. Any thoughts on Gwyn, bio-hacking your Vitality age or anything in between?